Balance

Again, thanks to exercise, I began reflecting on things in my life and how I am doing. This time it was not running that gave me the epiphany, but in yoga. Actually, I must say that yoga is both the best and worst time to think. I am so open to allowing thoughts and feelings to take hold I have some truly clear moments of thought (I once again had a brief glimpse of myself where I didn't quite recognize me). The down side is that during yoga my one focus is to try and rid my mind of thought and simply focus on the present and the stretch. Processing my life is a pleasant yet distracting result of it. Regardless of where it happened it kicked my mind into thinking about balance.

I have to question if I have been missing balance in different aspects of my life. I know the saying "everything in moderation" which is really just another way to stay keep things balanced. Don't over do it on anyone thing and you will be happy and healthy. During yoga this adage is apparent in simply trying to stand on one foot as you are slowly shifting your center of gravity. It strains the body to keep yourself from going one way or another and getting out of alignment. Anyone who has watched someone balance, or done it themselves,  and start to slip knows of the chaos that results from even a slight tremor. Becoming unbalanced causes a natural reaction in life to sway the other way, often much too quickly, causing further unbalance. So again you correct, or rather over correct again in the opposite direction. This just seems to amplify until finally the balance is lost and you fall.

I can apply this concept of balance to many things that I've done in my life. I know that I have at times alienated friends because I didn't keep the relationship in check. I didn't maintain balance for myself and my needs, or perhaps I didn't express what I wanted from the friendship so I felt slighted. So I shift my weight in a quick reaction. Suddenly I find that I'm now moving away from the friendship trying to find the balance in myself because of a knee jerk reaction. Again, this is not the way to maintain balance. This type of movement just begins that downward spiral which ends in losing control. I've found that it's not easy to get back up onto that one foot again and rekindle the friendships after I've fallen. In fact I think that it's tough to bring myself back to center and start again regardless of what I am trying to balance.

Similarly I've had "balance" issues with eating and my weight. I have tried eating healthy to the point that I begin denying myself and the balance tremor hits. Before I know it I'm swinging the other way eating anything and everything I can. And the cycle goes back and forth until I've fallen and I'm not even paying attention anymore. So then I get up and try again. But the cycle must have an end. There are people that have found balance so what is the secret?

What is it that creates balance? I know that when this question entered my mind during yoga (as I was attempting to move from tree pose to dancer) I reminded myself to not think about the balance. Instead of trying to balance myself and fumble with where exactly my weight should be centered I decided to forget about it and just focus on myself and my breath. Breathe. It is amazing to me that when I successfully did this I had no problems maintaining the balance. I don't think that this means that I need to ignore the balance issues. I think it indicates that I need to focus on myself and trust that I will direct my body (and perhaps life) in the direction it needs to go. Over thinking of how to get myself balanced just causes more problems while just relaxing being seemed to solve it.

Perhaps I need to "just be" more and think a little less. I should let life take me on the journey and not think too much about where I'm going or how I'm getting there. Just breathe and keep balance.