Lost

Tonight I did something that I had been wanting to do for a long while. I went with a group to a local corn maze (which I learned is the largest in the world). There is something that I have always loved about mazes and labyrinths so getting to go and play in one was fantastic to me. I was also able to go and do it with several of my good friends which made it all the more enjoyable.

A little bit confusing to me was that we were given maps to use in the maze right when we purchased the tickets. It was like having someone give me the guide to a video game as I'm purchasing it. If I want to play the game why are you giving me the solution? But it seemed like a good plan in that we might get lost and need some way to find our way forward. As we entered the maze the map seemed to take away from the maze. One of my friends immediately tuned into the map and was solving it as we walked in the first 100 yards of the maze. He was letting us know exactly which turns to take to navigate through and somehow this seemed to make me disenchanted with the maze. I wanted him to stop. I wanted to get lost a bit. Yes that was it, I wanted to be lost in this maze in the dark. So I stayed back a bit letting him get ahead and ended up with a smaller group of friends. As a small group we began trying to navigate the maze without the map. This seemed fun until we quickly became lost and couldn't seem to figure out what to do. It was frustrating and we had to puzzle it out admitting we didn't know where we were. So we turned back to the map and eventually enjoyed finding our way back on track.

So what is it about being lost that is appealing? It seems counter-intuitive to actually want to be without direction or a guide. I know that I truly was feeling upset about the fact that we were simply following a path on a sheet of paper at the beginning rather than forging through on our own. I don't even know what I was expecting but I wanted a little mystery. I wanted there to be a problem to solve. Perhaps I wanted it so that I could actually do something. So I helped to create a problem. My small group went off the grid for a few minutes and suddenly we were lost. The thought keeps occurring to me that perhaps it was a bit of drama that was created which annoys me because I don't believe that I like drama. At any rate, the maze became much more interesting and enjoyable after being lost. There was a problem to be solved and there was a path to find. I enjoyed talking it through with my friends and feeling the bond that we were all lost together. In the end I really enjoyed myself.

I wonder if I get myself lost in other parts of my life. Do I intentionally wander without the map so that I can create challenges for myself? Is that healthy? Why not just follow the map? I'm not sure I like the idea that I might be sabotaging myself to try and get lost. Perhaps though it is how I keep myself thinking and stretching. Maybe being lost gives me purpose. I have something to do and a reason to move forward rather than just following along. And when I am lost I find that there is so much more to take in. Tonight while I was lost I laughed with friends, I felt confused and anxious, I was thoughtful, I had a disco party in the middle of a corn field, and I persevered with friends. In a nutshell I had many experiences that made me feel alive. Maybe its the journey through being lost that is the excitement and the draw to it.

At the end of the evening I went back to the map. My friends and I found new purpose in the map, that I started out disliking, as we began to compete with others to get out of the maze. At this point I became my friend following turn by turn on a piece of paper striving for the goal. What had changed since the beginning when I wanted to throw the map out? I think that it was enjoyable because of the time that we were lost in the maze. In that time my group seemed to come together and have a commonality that we worked through. I connected with them. While I was lost I got to see things and see parts of the maze that I might have otherwise missed. In this way I think that I should get lost more often and explore the possibilities until I'm ready to find my own way.

Getting lost is the only way I will ever become found.