Cosmic

I've not been good about keeping up with my journal. I don't know if it's because it has been the two months and this is a natural point for me to slack off, (the last long journal keeping period was two months in case you didn't read the first post) or if it's just a point where I become lackadaisical. Regardless tonight I've decided to reaffirm my journaling goal and get back into the daily posts. It's not like there isn't more to write about. Perhaps my subconscious is just testing my resolve.

I have been reflecting on why it is that I am tested on things soon after I begin to work on them. I start going to yoga and then have several nights that I can't go due to other plans. True some of these are choices or plans I made but others are placed onto me. And I find myself needing to see if I can return to the goal. If I can still keep going to yoga even after I've been out of the cycle for a few sessions. Am I just testing myself or is there some cosmic force guiding this? Apparently now my mind wants to pour over the idea of "God".

To those that know me I'm not very spiritual; at least not in the accepted concept of the word. I don't talk about god or a higher power. I don't pray for people when they are sad or in a tough situation. I do offer my condolences, my sympathy, and my ear to them. I find a connection with everyone around me and that in many ways is my spirituality. I don't find solace in the idea that I will be rewarded after I die for good deeds. Instead, I think it is in the good deeds and the feelings, or the satisfaction I have in myself, that is the reward. Here and now my connection with people and the world, be it in spoken word, emotions, contact or just to be in their presence, is how I define my spirituality.

I think that so many people miss what is going on around them while praying or thinking of the "afterlife" that they miss life! Why isn't all the amazing stuff that is around us right now not enough? Why is there a need to look for something more? I think that the amazing sight when the sun breaks over the horizon, or the smell of rain as it begins to fall, or the warm embrace of a hug, or the sound of the thunder boom is enough. The laughter with a friend that makes your whole being smile. This is life. And I don't understand why people want to worry and think about what will happen next. Enjoy now!

"They are pursuing nothing at all," said the switchman. "They are asleep in there, or if they are not asleep they are yawning. Only the children are flattening their noses against the windowpanes." 

"Only the children know what they are looking for," said the little prince.  

 The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupery

I know my viewpoints can be unpopular and frightening to some people. The idea that there is just an end at death is not taken lightly. However, as I see it, an equally scary thought when it comes to the afterlife is, "What if there isn't one?" If this life is all there is wouldn't it be sad to have wasted it hoping and praying for the next big thing? What if in the end so many are wrong and there is nothing more. You wouldn't know it since you'd be gone, and yet you would never really have lived. I think that this is where religion and I have  separated ways. I see far too many people that are so concerned with what their religion is telling them to do that they lose sight of themselves and where they are now. Many religions even seem harp on the idea that  people should be miserable now and that they will be rewarded later. I don't know, that seems wrong to me. I don't want to do a bunch of stuff that is going to make me miserable with no compelling rationale. I know that there are some people that thrive in religion and use it as a basis for their beliefs but still think for themselves. For these few, I think that religion is an amazing power. But then those people are usually still living their own lives.

In the end, I believe that I live what a religious person would believe to be a good life (except those religions that want to bar me from being in a loving relationship with a man because I am a man). I help those that I can in need. I treat others with fairness and respect as I would want to be treated. I try to be aware of the needs of those around me and where possible put their needs first. With this in mind if there is an afterlife perhaps I will be rewarded for that. However, I don't do these things waiting to be rewarded. I do them for myself. I do these things because they allow me to be happy with myself. To be happy. This is my spirituality. It is my acknowledgement of my connection with others. It is understanding that we all are here and can experience so much if we are willing to pay attention.

Personally I'll enjoy the here and now without worrying about the what if's of tomorrow.