Ugly

Today I met with my principal briefly and we shared stories about how our days were going. I think that it's nice to be able to connect with my boss in this way. She currently is struggling a bit with scheduling the staff and it is something that I deal with every year at this time. What struck me was her comment about how some of the staff members were behaving in terms of their appointed times. The all too frequent comment, "Really the time that would work best for me is..." was something that caught her off guard when they didn't really seem to care how it would affect her. I, too, am frequently surprised at how little regard is placed on what would work for me.

As I talked about it further I discovered that what I don't like about the scheduling is not so much the huge task of getting everyone's individual time requirements to mesh. While this part is difficult, it's not what causes me the grief. I dislike seeing these uglier sides of people. I am shocked when a teacher puts their own wants and desires over those of their students. The fact that the teachers don't talk about their inclusion kids and what they might do to help them but rather how much money their classroom gets because a special needs student is there. These are the little dark patches that I don't like.

I'm a bit of a Pollyanna I guess. I think there is always some bright side that you can find if you want to be in that frame of mind. Even if you have to reach there is always some silver lining if you want to see it. I do the same thing with people. It is not often that I find someone that I don't like and even those that are less favorable still have some redeeming quality to me. I think that seeing these dark patches force me out of looking at the silver lining. The sky goes dark for a minute and hail comes down.

In the end though we are human. I shouldn't be so thrown off by these people who are asserting what they would like or are speaking honestly. That in itself is not a bad quality. Perhaps that I just don't want to see that part. I prefer to ignore it and see them all without the blemishes that make them real (I should know all too well that ignoring things doesn't make them go away). I know that I have my own share of blemishes too.  In fact perhaps I should go back to the mirror analogy and try and find what it is about me that these glimpses are reflecting. In reality it is all the little differences in us, good and bad, that make life interesting.

~~ I laughed at the lights as I was driving today. They kept turning red as soon as I was approaching them, and I started getting frustrated. And then I thought, "just go with it." I found myself saying out loud, "OK light, bring it!" And I giggled... and the light stayed green.~~