Incomplete or Unfinished

Today was a great day. I got a lot accomplished at work, and that was a good feeling. I was finally able to get a schedule out that I'm happy with and I think will make the teachers happy. I'm not sure why I'm caught up in what they think. I don't like the thought of someone being unhappy with me. Is that a flaw? I mean realistically I will never be able to please everyone. Perhaps though, as long as I do my best, I can allow myself to accept that other people are entitled to their own opinions... I suddenly am having this thought of something my mother put on the refrigerator, The Rules for Being Human. One of them was, "Others are merely reflections of yourself. You cannot like or dislike something about another person unless you like or dislike that about yourself." Perhaps that's the reason I don't like people to dislike me, it reveals some flaws that I share with them. I don't like the idea of being flawed, although aren't we all.

I also got the chance tonight to go out and be social with friends. I forget how much I thrive on interacting with other people. It's amazing how often I keep myself at home and think that I'm content with that. I really feel energized after laughing, talking, and sharing life with others. I saw the Marvelous Wonderettes and the laughter that I got from the show also was fantastic. You've got to love endorphins.

So the gratification of completing what I set out to do today has lead me to think more about what else I have that needs to be completed. I can easily think of many projects around the house that I've not worked on: the paint on the wall that needs to be covered, the screens sitting at the side of my house, the paint that is stripped from the beams and not finished.... And the lists go on. I think that's something that is missing. I somehow am able to stop working on a project with ease and then I am able to forget about it or dismiss it. And so there is little resolve or moving forward. Today I had a list of the things to get done at work. As I completed them I got to cross them off the list. It was a little party in my head each time I got to scratch off another item and I felt good that I had accomplished something. Little victories.

Thinking more about these little victories makes me wonder if all the incomplete projects are weighing me down. The more I think about it the more I feel like a frayed quilt that needs to be finished (lol that's another project that I tucked in a drawer and "forgot" about"). I know that the things I've left undone can haunt me from time to time and I think, "Yeah, I'll get to that soon." Secretly though I feel like I'm failing. Perhaps in order to move forward and grow I need to tackle this weighty chain of unfinished business and lighten the list. Perhaps that alone will help to get me to feel lighter, happier, and more positive. The funny part is that the things that aren't finished aren't even difficult.... well most of them.

So here again I've decided to enact change. I'm going to create a list of all the things that are incomplete in my life that I have the ability to resolve. I realize that only some of my business is not just physical work in nature. Perhaps the mental challenges are the more difficult challenges. But I think they all need to be addressed. Since I've not written the list (I will do this before the weekend ends), I don't know how long it will take to complete but as of now I'm going to commit to trying to complete at least half of the list in the next month. So September 19th is the goal. (Side note... I really resisted writing that last sentence as if as soon as I published it I was going to actually have to do it and I'm still not really wanting to face it) Why am I sabotaging myself?! Why don't I want to move forward? Am I afraid of what will happen when I complete this unfinished business? I guess we'll find out soon enough...

Respect: I'm making a list and checking it twice. I also held true to my values even when I'm testing them.
Niceties: getting complimented on my smile (something I have no control over)
Excercise: None today