Phoenix

Today was a really good day. I was able to accomplish many things and in general felt productive and in touch with myself.

Before I go further I will point out that I know there was no post online yesterday. However, I did take that time to create my list of unfinished business and I have even begun to work on the list today. I feel that it is important to point out because part of my goal is, in fact, to keep the journal consistently over the three months. If I miss there should be a reason so that I don't get in the habit of just skipping entries.

So today I worked on my back yard. I became annoyed with myself in the process of working on the list but for all of the right reasons. I was almost shocked to discover how quickly i could get some of the things done. I've not been able to open one of my bedroom windows because there was no screen in it. This has been a problem for as long as I can remember. It took me no more than 5 minutes to solve the problem once I was out working on things. How sad is it that it's plagued me for so long and 5 minutes could have taken care of it. In the same vein I worked on my back patio and was able to get a big portion of my to-do's for it finished. I did so much I had time for fun in the evening.

I thin that there has been missing this discipline of doing my work before filling up the time with other stuff. It was rewarding to get so many small projects done. I'm looking forward to getting more done over the course of this week. I'm still not sure why I've put off finishing these things. They really aren't that tough. I've not yet answered the question of why I'm apparently so resistant to doing them. Even as I'm writing this there is a part of my head coming up with excuses to put off the list work. sigh.

In spite of all of this good energy I'm a little melancholic. I have a big day ahead of me full of tough work and change. I wonder if a phoenix fears it's own death. Does it know that it will be alright? Does it fear that this is its own end with nothing else to look forward to? Or does it know that it will be reborn in the fire that consumes it? I don't know if even knowing that would make the process less scary. Change seems to still be scary even when you know that in the end everything will turn out. It doesn't seem to matter that you've approached it and are embracing the change; it's still change. It is still going against the known and familiar and throwing yourself off the edge. I hope that my fire burns fast, clean, and hot.

Exercise: Digging in the yard, weeding, mowing, and a nice round of Disc Golf
Respect: Cleaning the kitchen and working on my list
Niceties: The clerk at the store trying to help the little girl in the cart smile.