Choosy

Today was a really great day. I can't say that there was anything special about it. I got up, went to work, came home, and went to my typical hang out with my "Tuesday Night" group of friends. All in all it was a pretty standard day. I think what is making me feel good about it is that I'm starting to just be positive. For a while I was feeding into the "Oh God, it's Monday (Moanday, or Tuesday, or....)," or responding negatively about life and/or work to those that asked. And lately I've stopped that.

I'm starting to get back in touch with the idea that the day is what I make of it. If I have a grumpy or shitty attitude then that's how I'm going to feel. It's amazing how powerful the mind is in this respect. Everyday now when I go to work or I'm out walking I make a point to look for and say something positive. Just simply the act of deciding to be in a good makes it so. Isn't that odd? It makes me wonder why people are in such crappy moods all the time. I know that there are extreme situations where you may want or need to feel sadness or anger. I also know that there are times where you are I am so worn down from trying situations that deciding to be in a good mood is extremely difficult. However, most of the time it just takes a bit of a conscious effort in the morning, or whenever, and then everything flows. Perhaps it's where the euphemism of waking up on the wrong side of the bed comes from.

Figuring this out seems simple enough and yet I've learned the lesson before and apparently forgotten it. I used to tell people how I would act happy and excited with my students in the morning because they would reflect the mood back to me. It was an amazing thing to see and validated how contagious mood can be. I also know that I understood this concept of making my own reality around that time when I would recite my mantra, Life is Good.

However, I think that I've been trained to believe that my mood is imparted on me from the world. I wonder how many people in our society believe that our mood is a reaction to how the world is treating us. I don't think that is true, though as I said that I had forgotten this. I can interpret today in an entirely different way if I want to. I'm sure there were several small things that happened that I could have become angry about or fixated on to be grumpy. I could have been depressed about being single while hanging out with couples at my friends tonight. There are many emotional paths I could have gone on today alone; yet why would I want to when I can simply be high on life and happy.

So tomorrow again I will say good morning and smile. I will choose to be happy to be at work and get to chat with some amazing people. I will choose to appreciate life.

Crucify...

This evening as I was coming home with my friend we started talking about relationships and how tough they can be. She mentioned one of her friends and how she was dealing with her partner wanting to have other people join them in the bedroom. She didn't want to and yet he kept asking for it and fixating on it so much that they were getting into arguments. While this situation to me had it's own set of relationship issues at its core, the really awing thing was that her friend was starting to actually consider it since the boyfriend kept harping on it. Really? She was going to try and do something that totally goes against her wants and needs to try and keep the guy? Maybe she should realize that he's not the right guy! This lead me to start thinking about how it is that in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, we sacrifice things.

I think in many of my relationships I've put aside things that I believe I want in order to make it work. I think it's something we all do. I guess it's rooted in the knowledge that relationships are supposed to take work and therefore no one can get everything they want from a relationship. And so, in stride, I accept differences. And I think, "It's ok I don't really need that".. And then time passes and I find myself unhappy and I don't know why. Didn't I accept that I wasn't going to get everything from the relationship? Was that a smart move? Is it fair that I'm wanting something from the other person that I know they can't give? And if I know that then why am I upset about it?

And now a musical interlude from Tori Amos from her song with the same title as today's post:

Why do we

Crucify ourselves

Every day

I crucify myself

Nothing I do is good enough for you

Crucify myself

Every day

And my heart is sick of being in chains

I think that what it comes down to, at least for me, is that I really want things to work out. I want the relationship to move forward so I sacrifice little wishes in the hopes that the bigger picture will work out. And now what I'm finding is that I really need to be clear on what can be sacrificed and what, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, are the deal breakers. Recently I've discovered two of my deal breakers for a significant other. I need him to be social. This is something that I've now ignored too many times. I'm a very social being and I need for my partner to want that as well. I also a great fan of games. I'm competitive but it's in good fun. I need to have that in my relationship as well. And yet these things are some of the many that I've given up on to try and make a relationship work. What's the point of making a relationship work if I'm not going to be me in the relationship?

I think that it is this point that I've been missing. I try to be the person that would work for the relationship. I know that sounds drastic but it isn't really. It's the little things like not playing the video games when I want to. Or not going out and being social. Or, as I did for a year, putting myself aside because, just maybe, I can help get the person off their drug of choice if I just stay around and hold their hand. However if I'm not being myself and doing all that I want to do then really then my partner is in a relationship with someone else. Shouldn't I just be me and not try to change aspects to please or pacify them?

And how do I know what parts I can give up? Is there the perfect match when you don't "give in" to anything but everything just fits?

Oblivious

It's been a good weekend. I was quite busy with social events including a game night with some new people and a house warming party. All in all I had a lot of fun. I did take one of my events out of the schedule as I was just feeling too busy. I think that it's good that I can recognize that and pull back from it.

While I was out today I was noticing how oblivious some people seem to be that there is anyone else out there in the world. You know what I'm talking about; people crossing the street slowly even though they are blocking traffic, people in the stores stopping in the middle of the isles to look at something or maybe just talk and keeping anyone else from getting through. It's really more common than I'd like to think. And it bugs me.

Initially I'm bugged because usually they are inconveniencing other people due to their lack of observation. Sometimes I want to scream at them to look around and noticing what they are doing. Would they care? Would they even hear me? I'm not altogether sure. And, for my part, I try and practice my going with the flow and just laughing it off and adjusting rather than letting it make me upset. And yet it still bugs me.

As I think about it, I believe that the part that I find annoying is that they are so disconnected with the world. This seems wrong to me because I am constantly trying to reconnect. I think that connecting with other people is what makes me feel life. Without those connections I feel lost. so what are these oblivious people feeling? Are they "alive"? Perhaps what is so annoying is not that they are so oblivious but rather that I feel that I'm interacting with people that are so far gone they don't want to acknowledge the world. I think that to some extent when I'm not acknowledging other people I too am avoiding the world. And that is a scary thing.

Connect with people. Say hi. Smile. Do Anything you can to see the other people even those we'd prefer not to. This is being alive. This is happiness.

Pampered

I stayed in this evening despite some yearnings to go out and be social. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do but staying in on a Friday night seemed wrong. In the end though it won out. I decided that I needed some me time rather than going out and distracting myself with other people. So I sat at home and watched a movie. I ate some left overs that I had been looking forward to. And I decided to shave my head. That sounds so drastic when it's simply a little cleaner than the hairstyle that I had been sporting. Indeed it is now bald. It felt good to spend some time on me though. It's amazing how just a couple of hours of caring for my appearance and my relaxation has boosted my self esteem.

The rest of the weekend will be full of going places and doing things (all fun) so it's good that today I took the time for just me.

Wagons

This week has flown by. I can't believe that today is already Thursday. A lot has happened this week, good and emotionally trying. I was going to write "bad" there but I don't think "bad" would be the right adjective. The emotionally trying part is much more accurate. It has been a week that has made me dig deep and crawl forward. Changes are difficult and cause discomfort; I know that this is growth.

It's interesting to me how in trying times, where some aspect of life is difficult, I dismiss what I should be doing and move back into poor choices. It's almost like there is an unwritten rule in the back of my head that since I'm doing something tough I don't have to focus on any other aspect of my life. In this case it is my eating habits that have seemingly gone out of the window this week. Granted I'm not gorging myself on unhealthy foods, but I am making some poor choices. I am feel regrets at the end of the day for what I've done and that's not good. The sad part is that I recognize these choices and STILL make them. I dismiss it as a right I have because it's a rough time/week. Well it's bull, and I need to get myself back on the wagon.

I still can't seem to figure out why it's so easy to stop eating right. I really feel fantastic when I'm making good food choices and I stop when I'm full or even slightly under-full. I am energized when I stick to my stretching and running routines. Why can't I hold onto those highs rather than returning to the short, immediate gratification medium enjoyments from food and lethargy. I don't feel good when I'm eating like this. And this isn't even an epiphany I'm having right now. This is an argument I've been having with myself for years now.

Perhaps there is no answer to the why it happens. Perhaps the secret is recognizing it sooner and jumping back onto the wagon before it travels too far down the road. Maybe that's how other people stay on track. I don't see them hop off so much because they are hopping back on before anyone misses them. So now after a week of not doing what I want to health wise I'm grabbing a seat again. One week isn't so bad. Maybe next time it will be even faster before I get back on... I'm sure that I'll slip again. Who buttered the floor of this wagon anyway?

Fleeting, Beating, Heat.

Day two of the heatwave. Tonight I find myself tired and without focus. Part of it I'm sure is that I was running around all day in and out of buildings. The outside part wore me down as the 100+ heat surged around me. I must say that I don't care for the heat that much. Today I could feel it pressing on me as if it had it's own weight and will. It was no longer the sun heating me from above, nor the pavement coming up from beneath my feet. Instead it was like I was surrounded by it and it was pushing through my skin. I literally felt as though I was battling against it when I was outside. So very uncomfortable and draining. I'm not even sure why it's draining since I'm no more active in the heat... in fact i'm less so. Perhaps it's the fighting against it pushing into my world. Perhaps it's just my body working hard to cool me during the assault. Regardless, a day like today makes me feel spent. As I have said to many people, "The trouble with the heat is that you can only take off so many things before you are naked and still uncomfortably hot."

Days like today make me think about moving somewhere that the heat isn't in the hundreds. I've always thought that one day I would move north into Oregon. Ok, truth be told I just have always been attracted to the northwest. The green of the trees and crispness of the air makes me feel at home. I know that many people are put off by the clouds and the cold but they are part of what I find so attractive. Perhaps it is a place that I need to continue to look at for the future. It seems difficult to pull up roots though... for now I'm happy in my house. And tomorrow the heat will drop. And the next day it will be as if the heat had never happened. Funny how much it is weighing on me now.

Ugly

Today I met with my principal briefly and we shared stories about how our days were going. I think that it's nice to be able to connect with my boss in this way. She currently is struggling a bit with scheduling the staff and it is something that I deal with every year at this time. What struck me was her comment about how some of the staff members were behaving in terms of their appointed times. The all too frequent comment, "Really the time that would work best for me is..." was something that caught her off guard when they didn't really seem to care how it would affect her. I, too, am frequently surprised at how little regard is placed on what would work for me.

As I talked about it further I discovered that what I don't like about the scheduling is not so much the huge task of getting everyone's individual time requirements to mesh. While this part is difficult, it's not what causes me the grief. I dislike seeing these uglier sides of people. I am shocked when a teacher puts their own wants and desires over those of their students. The fact that the teachers don't talk about their inclusion kids and what they might do to help them but rather how much money their classroom gets because a special needs student is there. These are the little dark patches that I don't like.

I'm a bit of a Pollyanna I guess. I think there is always some bright side that you can find if you want to be in that frame of mind. Even if you have to reach there is always some silver lining if you want to see it. I do the same thing with people. It is not often that I find someone that I don't like and even those that are less favorable still have some redeeming quality to me. I think that seeing these dark patches force me out of looking at the silver lining. The sky goes dark for a minute and hail comes down.

In the end though we are human. I shouldn't be so thrown off by these people who are asserting what they would like or are speaking honestly. That in itself is not a bad quality. Perhaps that I just don't want to see that part. I prefer to ignore it and see them all without the blemishes that make them real (I should know all too well that ignoring things doesn't make them go away). I know that I have my own share of blemishes too.  In fact perhaps I should go back to the mirror analogy and try and find what it is about me that these glimpses are reflecting. In reality it is all the little differences in us, good and bad, that make life interesting.

~~ I laughed at the lights as I was driving today. They kept turning red as soon as I was approaching them, and I started getting frustrated. And then I thought, "just go with it." I found myself saying out loud, "OK light, bring it!" And I giggled... and the light stayed green.~~

Puzzled

Change is not easy. Nor is the path getting there. I've been staring at the puzzle for so long and I have been able to come to the realization that the two sides just don't match. Don't get me wrong, they are close and they look good together but the pieces just don't fit.

~~~~~~~~~

It's like when you were doing a puzzle growing up. Sometimes you were trying to fit the pieces together and you'd grab two of them because they have similar colors and similar patterns. The pieces even have the right shaped cutouts along the edge. Fantastic! That joy of getting to put them together and move on with more of the whole put together. It's a little triumph for each connections isn't it? 

So then you come to the ones that are the same and you put them together. Something isn't right... The pieces don't slip into each other seamlessly. You don't notice it at first you just set them down and notice that they aren't sitting quite right. So you pull them apart a bit and look at them. They both look right. The colors look right. The edges look right. So you put them back together and still they don't quite fit. You push them in together and see if that helps.Still not quite together but you ignore that. Maybe the press didn't cut the edge right. Maybe there's still a bit of extra paper. There are so many possible reasons it's easy to dismiss this slight irregularity and continue with the puzzle. 

It is as you continue to put together the puzzle that your eye returns to these pieces that don't quite fit. The more you continue building the puzzle the more you see the pieces that were just slightly off. And the more you try to ignore them the more you notice it. 

~~~~~~~~~

I am overwhelmed by the fact that the pieces haven't been matching. I've been ignoring the little differences for so long that I was convinced they weren't there; all the while building the puzzle around me. It's amazing how I can just pretend that things that are important to me don't matter. The mind is an amazing thing. So easily does it convince us of what we want to believe rather than facing the truth. In the end the truth prevails. 

And so tonight, with a sad ceremony I began removing the pieces of the puzzle. I can no longer pretend that the two match correctly. It feels like defeat. I know that it's right because after all who wants a puzzle that doesn't look right. What would I do when I have one last piece left that also doesn't fit.

I'm not sure how to deal with the sadness of now. Part of me is still numb and doesn't feel it yet. Part of me wonders why I don't feel it more yet. And then another wave of realization hits me and I cry again. Losing the familiar is painful. 

Change is tough. 

My heart hurts. 

Phoenix

Today was a really good day. I was able to accomplish many things and in general felt productive and in touch with myself.

Before I go further I will point out that I know there was no post online yesterday. However, I did take that time to create my list of unfinished business and I have even begun to work on the list today. I feel that it is important to point out because part of my goal is, in fact, to keep the journal consistently over the three months. If I miss there should be a reason so that I don't get in the habit of just skipping entries.

So today I worked on my back yard. I became annoyed with myself in the process of working on the list but for all of the right reasons. I was almost shocked to discover how quickly i could get some of the things done. I've not been able to open one of my bedroom windows because there was no screen in it. This has been a problem for as long as I can remember. It took me no more than 5 minutes to solve the problem once I was out working on things. How sad is it that it's plagued me for so long and 5 minutes could have taken care of it. In the same vein I worked on my back patio and was able to get a big portion of my to-do's for it finished. I did so much I had time for fun in the evening.

I thin that there has been missing this discipline of doing my work before filling up the time with other stuff. It was rewarding to get so many small projects done. I'm looking forward to getting more done over the course of this week. I'm still not sure why I've put off finishing these things. They really aren't that tough. I've not yet answered the question of why I'm apparently so resistant to doing them. Even as I'm writing this there is a part of my head coming up with excuses to put off the list work. sigh.

In spite of all of this good energy I'm a little melancholic. I have a big day ahead of me full of tough work and change. I wonder if a phoenix fears it's own death. Does it know that it will be alright? Does it fear that this is its own end with nothing else to look forward to? Or does it know that it will be reborn in the fire that consumes it? I don't know if even knowing that would make the process less scary. Change seems to still be scary even when you know that in the end everything will turn out. It doesn't seem to matter that you've approached it and are embracing the change; it's still change. It is still going against the known and familiar and throwing yourself off the edge. I hope that my fire burns fast, clean, and hot.

Exercise: Digging in the yard, weeding, mowing, and a nice round of Disc Golf
Respect: Cleaning the kitchen and working on my list
Niceties: The clerk at the store trying to help the little girl in the cart smile.

Vindication...

So every once in a while you are reminded that karma does exist in the universe. After 5 years of working with my staff and enduring the process of creating a schedule life, today I finally felt like life was helping me out. As the schedule still hadn't been agreed on by everyone on the staff, and it was nearing closing time, my boss decided that the schedule would not go into effect on Monday and the staff would have to wait to get the services. I really relished that moment because I felt supported. Perhaps not getting overly angry (frustrated but not angry) and going with the flow has finally rewarded me with life saying, you're right they are sucking!

The rest of my day was spent hanging out with friends and playing games. Good times! It was silly and pointless and that's what I needed on a Friday night. I didn't really work on me alone but then sometimes interacting with others is the best way to respect yourself.

Short post but after my friend's house with beer and shots I'm not too reflective. More tomorrow.

Respect: allowing myself to relax and just be with friends for the evening
Niceties: being told that I didn't need to rush if other's weren't going to do their job
No excercise today.

Incomplete or Unfinished

Today was a great day. I got a lot accomplished at work, and that was a good feeling. I was finally able to get a schedule out that I'm happy with and I think will make the teachers happy. I'm not sure why I'm caught up in what they think. I don't like the thought of someone being unhappy with me. Is that a flaw? I mean realistically I will never be able to please everyone. Perhaps though, as long as I do my best, I can allow myself to accept that other people are entitled to their own opinions... I suddenly am having this thought of something my mother put on the refrigerator, The Rules for Being Human. One of them was, "Others are merely reflections of yourself. You cannot like or dislike something about another person unless you like or dislike that about yourself." Perhaps that's the reason I don't like people to dislike me, it reveals some flaws that I share with them. I don't like the idea of being flawed, although aren't we all.

I also got the chance tonight to go out and be social with friends. I forget how much I thrive on interacting with other people. It's amazing how often I keep myself at home and think that I'm content with that. I really feel energized after laughing, talking, and sharing life with others. I saw the Marvelous Wonderettes and the laughter that I got from the show also was fantastic. You've got to love endorphins.

So the gratification of completing what I set out to do today has lead me to think more about what else I have that needs to be completed. I can easily think of many projects around the house that I've not worked on: the paint on the wall that needs to be covered, the screens sitting at the side of my house, the paint that is stripped from the beams and not finished.... And the lists go on. I think that's something that is missing. I somehow am able to stop working on a project with ease and then I am able to forget about it or dismiss it. And so there is little resolve or moving forward. Today I had a list of the things to get done at work. As I completed them I got to cross them off the list. It was a little party in my head each time I got to scratch off another item and I felt good that I had accomplished something. Little victories.

Thinking more about these little victories makes me wonder if all the incomplete projects are weighing me down. The more I think about it the more I feel like a frayed quilt that needs to be finished (lol that's another project that I tucked in a drawer and "forgot" about"). I know that the things I've left undone can haunt me from time to time and I think, "Yeah, I'll get to that soon." Secretly though I feel like I'm failing. Perhaps in order to move forward and grow I need to tackle this weighty chain of unfinished business and lighten the list. Perhaps that alone will help to get me to feel lighter, happier, and more positive. The funny part is that the things that aren't finished aren't even difficult.... well most of them.

So here again I've decided to enact change. I'm going to create a list of all the things that are incomplete in my life that I have the ability to resolve. I realize that only some of my business is not just physical work in nature. Perhaps the mental challenges are the more difficult challenges. But I think they all need to be addressed. Since I've not written the list (I will do this before the weekend ends), I don't know how long it will take to complete but as of now I'm going to commit to trying to complete at least half of the list in the next month. So September 19th is the goal. (Side note... I really resisted writing that last sentence as if as soon as I published it I was going to actually have to do it and I'm still not really wanting to face it) Why am I sabotaging myself?! Why don't I want to move forward? Am I afraid of what will happen when I complete this unfinished business? I guess we'll find out soon enough...

Respect: I'm making a list and checking it twice. I also held true to my values even when I'm testing them.
Niceties: getting complimented on my smile (something I have no control over)
Excercise: None today

No day but today..

Today was a good day. I will say that I struggle a little with saying that because I didn't get accomplished the things that I had hoped to. I didn't get finished creating my schedule for computer classes for the year. I'm actually really frustrated with the process and yet I'm working hard at looking at the positive side of it all. I also had an idea that I was going to do some more cleaning around the house and yet I was not motivated to do it as the evening pressed on. But, to refocus I did do quite a bit. I was able to complete two big start up projects for work. I also had a great time chatting with my teacher friend over coffee. She always makes me feel good about life. I also took a nap which was a nice quiet time in my day. Finally I will say that I was accomplished in that I got myself out running again. Funny how I can feel like I didn't do much with all that going on.

I spent my time running listening to Rent. I really love the music from the show. Back in college I was fascinated by the music so much that I dedicated a semester of my painting class to creating pieces based on the music. I was pulled back into it as soon as I started the run. The show really speaks to me about the importance of living for today. I know that while the majority of the characters in the play are facing the literal possibility that any day may be their last there are a few that are facing their own demons and needing to learn to live in the moment. I think that for me the reason that I'm so drawn to the themes is that I have found that I'm most content and alive when I'm living within the day. I would love to say living in the moment (instead of the day) but I think that being able to do that takes a lot of practice. Isn't it funny how when you don't live in the moment or the day but the future it becomes consuming and you lose yourself to worry, dread, or even excitement (leading you to miss the present time). Living in the moment... another assignment. Not one I'm going to note at the end of these entries but something to think  more about.

I really do get a lot out of music. This is my second blog (out of 3) that I used a piece of music to inspire my writing. I guess that it's always been like that. Something about the music speaks to me easily. I also love that music is frequently layered with meanings if you take the time to look/listen for it it. So that being said I will most likely continue to write based on my choices for music that given day.

Respect: I took a nap and spent some time alone with myself. It was good since there were many things that I could have done to distract me from myself and thoughts.
Positive things: I stopped my run to walk with the nurse from my work. She seemed to have a lot on her mind and chatted eagerly as we walked the track. It's good to connect with people.
Excercise: Ran 1.5 laps and walked half a lap.

Respect

So I've recently, ok for about two days, been thinking about respect. Really I've begun thinking about self respect. I noticed it at the most odd of times, in the bathroom. I was noticing that I needed to clean the room a bit. It struck me that if I were having guests over that I'd immediately clean it so as not to gross them out. So why is it that I don't want them to see it dirty but I'm apparently ok with seeing it dirty myself.

So the question has become one that is haunting me. Do I not have a lot of respect for myself? I know that cleaning is a sort of silly thing to realize that about but when I did think of it why don't I keep things clean for me? Don't I deserve to see it that way? I think this also a reflection on my weight. What is it I want? I think that if I want to be healthier and at a better weight that I should start by looking at myself. Perhaps the respect I need to show myself is in these little niceties. I deserve them too!

That being said I think that in my past weight loss journeys I've always fallen into some rituals of making myself dinners that were more extravagant than most would consider doing for themselves. I would even do presentation on the plate. Looking back I think that part of the satisfaction was that I was doing it for me because it was just as nice for me as having doing it for someone else. In fact in some ways it was better because the only person that could give me praise for it was myself. Something that I don't do often enough. Why is it that other's opinions seem more important than our own? And now we are back to respect.

As a way of focusing on respect I am going to do something each day for the next week to respect myself and post it at the end. (Funny how I seem to have started giving myself assignments right off the bat). So I close with my reviews of the day...

Respect: I cleaned the toilet and bathroom (I know, gross right?)

Niceties: Two people waited for me so that I could cross the road today, my friend took my finished dinner plate for me.

No excercise other than walking at work

Crow

So I'm once again feeling compelled to write a bit in a journal and in today's day and age where better to do it than on the internet. Sure it's a little weird but there's something about the whole world being able to join the conversation that is intriguing. I'm also thinking that perhaps it will keep me going more. I've kept journals in the past but never for very long. I don't know why, perhaps I get tired of them, or they become a chore, or perhaps like so many other things it's just tough to do things that are good for you. As I was thinking about journaling today I looked for something to write in and discovered one of my old attempts. I was shocked really because I kept the journal for an entire two months. I'm not sure why I stopped but I've decided that this time I'm going to set a goal of keeping this journal for 3 months. Perhaps by then it will be a habit. Who knows.

So what is going on in my life that has me starting a journal? I've started working on my weight again and I think that this is a large portion of it. My weight has always been an issue for me. It's something I battle and I've done well on a couple of occasions with it. The best was actually as I was rediscovering myself through a floundering relationship. So once again as I'm tackling the weight I'm also finding myself looking inward. I guess it's perhaps part of the journey. I was actually encouraged to do this by my Weight Watchers meeting leader. He made the excellent point that in order to truly succeed in the weight loss we need to figure out what we are TRULY "hungry for". The thought resonates with me since I think that I am looking or wanting something that I've not figured out yet. So again, I think this journal will be a help for that.

Today was my first day back to work for the new school year. I'm going into it with a positive attitude. Actually, I will admit that a couple of times today I was consciously avoiding complaining about it and trying to look at the bright side of it. I was productive and around many nice people. I need to return to the Life is Good mentality that kept me going strong for so long. I like being happy and I can create that if I want to. So here's to looking for the bright side and not complaining about things.

The subject is in reference to a piece I was listening to while running today from the soundtrack of How to Make an American Quilt. The scene in the movie is about a woman who is following a sign, the crow, and knowing that life will lead her on if she trusts it. I feel like this is where I am.

To close I think I'm going to briefly mention the high points of the day...

While running a couple moved over so that I could go by easily..such a simple and nice gesture.

I ran and walked 3 laps at the park.